STOKES FAMILY COVENANT & HOUSEHOLD RULES
Expectations for Members of the Stokes Family — Both in and out of Our Home
Preamble: Who We Are
We are the Stokes Family.
We bear one name — a name carried through centuries, across oceans, and into new frontiers — and that name is worth protecting. Our heritage is rich and varied: we descend from kings and poets, from William the Conqueror, King Edward I “Longshanks,” Geoffrey Chaucer, and noble houses of England; from pioneers who braved the wilderness, ranchers who worked the open range, coal miners who labored in the earth, and pastors who shepherded God’s people. Our ancestors served God and others in their own times, often at great personal cost, to bring forth a better life for their descendants.
While none of them were perfect, their lives and stories live on in us. Their courage, sacrifices, and faith are part of the legacy we carry — and so are their wounds. We are committed not only to passing down what is noble and true, but also to breaking cycles of sin, healing from generational hurts, and fostering honest conversations about the power of Christ to set us free from the world, the flesh, and the devil. As C.S. Lewis reminds us, “Enemy-occupied territory — that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful King has landed, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage.”
Our family crest bears a black shield with a lion rampant, double queued in ermine — a symbol of courage and vigilance — crowned by a dove with an olive branch, the sign of peace, reconciliation, and God’s covenant faithfulness. Our motto, Fortis qui insons — “Innocent fortune” — reminds us that true strength is found in integrity and a clear conscience before God and man.
We believe God has chosen the exact time and place for our lives (Acts 17:26), and He has given us His Word, our parents, and our home for our good. We are not called to blend in with the culture, but to be a light on a hill (Matthew 5:14–16) — living differently, as those who belong to Christ.
Whether we are living under this roof or grown and independent, we are united by the same faith, the same values, and the same love that bind us together as one household. Our name is not merely a label; it is a testimony of God’s grace and His work in our family. Our choices ripple outward, touching the trust, honor, and unity of this home.
By being part of the Stokes Family, we embrace both the privilege and responsibility of holding one another to high biblical standards, encouraging each other toward love and good works (Hebrews 10:24), and guarding the legacy we have been given. We commit to walk in humility, integrity, and truth — to build up and never tear down — so that those who see us will glorify our Father in heaven.
Stokes Family Vision
To build a family rooted in Christ that grows in love, multiplies in faith, and advances the Kingdom of God — leaving a legacy no wound can erase and no culture can corrupt.
Stokes Family Mission
We will live as warriors for Christ — strong in spirit, pure in heart (fortis qui insons), and steadfast in purpose.
We will love fiercely, speak truth boldly, and serve generously.
We will guard our hearts, sharpen our minds, and train the next generation to carry the light of Christ into every battle.
The Stokes Family Decision Lens
We ask:
Does it glorify God? (1 Corinthians 10:31)
Does it align with Scripture and our family covenant?
Does it strengthen our family’s unity, faith, and witness?
Does it prepare the next generation for their calling?
Will this matter in eternity, or is it only for the world’s gain? (Mark 8:36)
Stokes Family Motto
“Fortis qui insons — Grace met us, Christ leads us, the Kingdom is our cause.”
Rule of Life — The Stokes Family Rhythm
Daily
Scripture & Prayer: First and last activity of the day.
Physical Health: Move your body daily; get outside in the fresh air.
Nutrition: Eat whole, God-given foods; avoid processed sugars, seed oils, and chemical additives.
Work Diligently: Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord (Colossians 3:23).
Evening Meal: At least one shared meal together, no phones, full conversation.
Weekly
Sabbath: One day without work, screens, or worldly striving. Worship, feast, walk in nature, and rest.
Nature Time: One extended outdoor activity as a family.
Unplugged Evening: One night devoted to books, conversation, or games.
Health Convictions
God designed the body to heal and flourish. We will not live in fear.
We make informed health decisions, critical of broken systems and coercive practices (e.g., unnecessary pharmaceuticals, vaccine overreach, processed food dependency).
We learn before we act, taking care of our bodies first as an act of stewardship.
Statement of Faith — Non-Negotiables
Scripture — The inerrant, inspired Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16–17).
Creation — God created the heavens and the earth in six literal days; no death before Adam’s sin (Genesis 1–3).
Humanity — Made in God’s image, yet fallen in Adam (Psalm 51:5).
Salvation — By grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone (Ephesians 2:8–9).
Marriage & Sexuality — One man and one woman; sexual intimacy reserved for marriage; homosexuality, adultery, fornication, pornography, and lust are sin (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11).
Sanctity of Life — Life begins at conception; abortion is sin (Psalm 139:13–16).
The Church — Active commitment to a local body of believers (Hebrews 10:24–25).
Resurrection & Eternity — Jesus will return bodily to judge; we await the new heaven and new earth (Revelation 21).
Generational Discipleship Map
Baptism
For those who profess faith in Christ and understand the Gospel.
Age guideline: after 8, upon credible testimony.
Conducted by the head of the household or church elder.
Rooted in repentance and new life, not performance or tradition alone.
Rites of Passage
Manhood Ceremony: Family men speak blessing, charge, and Scripture over the young man; presentation of symbolic items (family bible with family tree, Viking axe or gun, oil, and verse).
Womanhood Ceremony: Family women bless, gift a family heirloom, braid hair as a symbol of strength and unity; reading of Proverbs 31.
Both celebrated with a feast.
Marriage Traditions
Pre-wedding family prayer and covenant signing.
Scripture read in English and a heritage language.
Must-Reads
Mere Christianity — C.S. Lewis
The Screwtape Letters — C.S. Lewis
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry — John Mark Comer
Parenting — Paul David Tripp
Don’t Waste Your Life — John Piper
Desiring God — John Piper
The Chosen — series
Father’s Charge
My children, you are all I have ever wanted in this world. God gave me the calling of fatherhood — my highest earthly mission — and I have poured my life into you. I am a broken man, but God’s grace met me, saved me, and set my feet on this path.
I have prayed for you — for your faith, your spouses, your children, and their children. I want nothing more than to see you all again in heaven, where every tear will be wiped away (Revelation 21:4).
Life is short (James 4:14). Number your days (Psalm 90:12). Your words and actions matter for eternity. Live as warriors for Christ. Follow the Spirit’s leading. Love God, love people, and leave nothing undone that He calls you to do. I love you more than words can express.
1. Worship & Church Life
1.1 Church attendance every Sunday is required at a gospel Bible-preaching church of your choice.
1.2 Work exceptions must be communicated in advance.
1.3 Corporate worship, Bible study, and prayer are foundational for the health of our family.
2. Purity & Personal Conduct
2.1 We follow biblical standards for purity (1 Corinthians 6:18–20). The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.
2.2 We affirm the BYU Honor Code in spirit — no premarital sex, no cohabitation before marriage.
2.3 Overnight stays with a boyfriend/girlfriend are not allowed unless engaged, and then separate sleeping arrangements are required.
2.4 Public displays of affection are to be modest and respectful, especially in our home.
2.5 Alcohol is permitted only in moderation and only with adult supervision. Drunkenness is never acceptable (Ephesians 5:18).
2.6 Pornography in any form is strictly prohibited — both for moral and scientific reasons, as it damages the brain, relationships, and the soul.
3. Family Honor & Conflict Resolution
3.1 We advocate for each other in public and address issues in private.
3.2 We do not accuse without evidence and the opportunity for response.
3.3 Conflict will be handled in accordance with Matthew 18:
Speak directly to the person.
If unresolved, involve a parent as mediator.
If still unresolved, both parents decide final outcome.
3.4 Complaints may be submitted in writing (preferably email) with a request for a personal meeting with both parents.
4. Digital & Social Media Use
4.1 Phones and devices are tools, not idols. No phones at the dinner table or during family functions.
4.2 Limit mindless scrolling, Snapchat streaks, and overcommunication that fosters dependency.
4.3 No posting content that contradicts our family’s values.
4.4 No public sharing of private family matters.
4.5 Pornography and sexually explicit media are not tolerated.
4.6 We encourage a regular Sabbath rest from screens.
5. Household & Family Business Responsibilities
5.1 All members must maintain high personal hygiene and a clean living space.
5.2 Chores will be age-appropriate, completed on time, and in addition to any personal requests from parents.
5.3 Adult children will take on more responsibility — including mentoring younger siblings — as part of their maturity.
5.4 If involved in the family business, you are expected to maintain professional conduct and protect the reputation of Stokhaus and Stokeshire in all settings.
6. Financial Stewardship & Independence Plan
6.1 Adult children must save at least $300/month in a separate account for future housing or major expenses.
6.2 Parents may provide transportation, a phone, and a computer with insurance — contingent on adherence to this covenant.
6.3 Full emancipation is expected before the 25th birthday.
6.4 Health coverage provided by parents ends at age 25.
6.5 Timeline for independence:
18–21: Parents provide substantial support if rules are followed.
22–25: Tapered support with financial and career benchmarks.
After 25: Full independence unless otherwise agreed in writing.
7. Safety & Accountability
7.1 Life360 must remain active at all times with no exceptions.
7.2 Overnight travel or trips more than 2 hours from home require prior notice and approval.
7.3 Emergency contact information must be up-to-date.
7.4 Safe driving, car maintenance, and basic first aid preparedness are expected.
8. Education & Work
8.1 All adult children must be in school, working toward certification, or employed full-time.
8.2 Goals must be realistic, measurable, and approved by Dad (James) for alignment with life direction.
8.3 Married vs. Single: Married adult children have more autonomy but must still respect the example set for younger siblings when in our home — including language, entertainment, and modesty.
9. Discipline & Consequences
9.1 Three-strike policy for most violations — strikes are recorded in writing and communicated clearly.
9.2 Zero-tolerance for violations of purity standards, illegal activity, or physical aggression.
9.3 Examples of consequences:
Loss of electronics
Restricted use of family vehicles
Reduced privileges in family activities
Required service to family or community
9.4 Final decision rests with Dad (James) after hearing all sides.
10. Covenant of Honor
We, as members of the Stokes family, commit to live in a way that honors Christ, protects the reputation of our family, and strengthens our unity.
We will speak truth in love, confront issues directly, and work toward peace without gossip or bitterness.
We will strive for self-control, integrity, humility, and the fruit of the Spirit in all we do (Galatians 5:22–23).
The Ten Commandments — Stokes Family Application
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” — John 14:15
1. You shall have no other gods.
What does this mean? We should fear, love, and trust in God above all things.
Modern application: We will not let money, success, comfort, relationships, or personal desires take God’s place in our hearts. No idol — whether on a screen, in a bank account, or in our own pride — will rule over us.
2. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we do not curse, swear, use satanic arts, lie, or deceive by His name, but call upon it in every trouble, pray, praise, and give thanks.
Modern application: We will speak of God with reverence, avoid careless “Christian talk” that cheapens His name, and remember that wearing the name “Christian” means we represent Him in all we do.
3. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we do not despise preaching or His Word, but hold it sacred and gladly hear and learn it.
Modern application: We will guard one day each week for worship, rest, and renewal — free from work, screens, and endless noise — making space for God’s voice to be heard in our home.
4. Honor your father and your mother.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we do not despise or anger our parents and authorities, but honor them, serve and obey them, love and cherish them.
Modern application: We will respect parents and elders, value the wisdom of authority, and build up — not tear down — the family order God has placed for our good.
5. You shall not murder.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we do not hurt or harm our neighbor in his body, but help and support him in every physical need.
Modern application: We value all human life from conception to natural death, reject abortion and euthanasia, and use our hands, words, and resources to protect and care for the vulnerable.
6. You shall not commit adultery.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and husband and wife love and honor each other.
Modern application: We reject pornography, fornication, homosexuality, and all distortions of God’s design for marriage. We guard our minds, bodies, and relationships for the glory of Christ.
7. You shall not steal.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we do not take our neighbor’s money or possessions, or get them in any dishonest way, but help him to improve and protect his possessions and income.
Modern application: We will not cut corners, cheat systems, or take what isn’t ours — including time, ideas, or credit. We will live generously and with integrity in all business and personal dealings.
8. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor, betray him, slander him, or hurt his reputation, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way.
9. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house.
What does this mean?
We should fear and love God so that we do not scheme to get our neighbor’s inheritance or house, or obtain it by a show of right, but help and be of service to him in keeping it.
Modern application:
We will not envy or manipulate to gain someone else’s home, land, business, or position. We will resist the pull of comparison culture, remembering that God has given us exactly what we need for this season. Instead of grasping for what others have, we will be faithful stewards of what God has entrusted to us — and help others protect what is theirs.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
What does this mean?
We should fear and love God so that we do not entice or force away our neighbor’s wife, workers, or animals, or turn them against him, but urge them to stay and do their duty.
Modern application:
We will not lust after, flirt with, or in any way pursue another person’s spouse. We will not try to lure away someone’s employees, business partners, or friends through gossip or manipulation. We will refuse the jealousy that poisons relationships and instead practice contentment, honor, and loyalty. We will urge others to remain faithful to their commitments — in marriage, work, and friendship.
Technology, Entertainment, and Culture Caveat
Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” (Matthew 6:22) and “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45). The tools and pastimes of our age — whether artificial intelligence, social media, television, or sports — are not evil in themselves, but they have the power to shape our hearts, values, and desires.
We will evaluate all forms of technology, entertainment, and recreation through the lens of:
Does this glorify God or feed the flesh? (Romans 8:5–8)
Does this help me love God and people more, or does it distract and divide? (Matthew 22:37–39)
Would I still participate if Jesus were physically present in the room? (Colossians 3:17)
Does this consume my time, energy, or money in a way that steals from my calling? (Ephesians 5:15–16)
We will use AI and technology as tools, not idols.
We will engage with social media and television selectively, guarding our minds from constant noise, comparison, lust, and pride.
We will enjoy sports as recreation, not as false worship or identity.
We will choose to set our minds on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8) — even when the culture around us chases the opposite.
Rule: Social Media Stewardship — Snapchat
Snapchat may only be used as a practical messaging tool, never as a source of entertainment, status, or identity. Its disappearing messages, endless scrolling, and streak features are designed to capture attention and promote impulsive, shallow interaction — which leads away from the sober-minded, purposeful life God calls us to live (Ephesians 5:15–16).
Because of this, the following boundaries apply:
Purpose-Driven Use: Snapchat is for short, direct communication with friends and family, not for maintaining streaks, browsing stories, or exploring unknown contacts.
Transparency: All accounts must remain open to parental review at any time. No hidden conversations or secret contacts.
Time Limits: Usage must not interfere with responsibilities, relationships, or time in Scripture, prayer, work, or rest.
Content Standards: Every message should pass the Philippians 4:8 test — true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable.
Non-Idolatry: If the app becomes compulsive or begins to master your time and mind, it will be removed.
Snapchat — like any technology — must serve our relationships and Kingdom purpose, not become a game we play senselessly or a place where our hearts drift from Christ.
Rule: Social Media & Public Witness
As members of the Stokes family, we carry our shared name into every digital space. What we post online reflects not only on ourselves, but also on our family, our faith, and the God we serve (Colossians 3:17). Social media is never “private” — every word and image is part of our public witness.
Posting Standards
Modesty & Purity
Dress and presentation should reflect humility and self-respect, avoiding sexualized or suggestive poses.
No clothing, captions, or gestures that draw attention to the body in ways that tempt others or dishonor Christ (1 Timothy 2:9–10).
Modesty applies to both men and women, in speech and in appearance.
Tone & Content
Speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), never in mockery or bitterness.
Avoid profanity, crude humor, or divisive arguing.
Do not gossip, complain, or share grievances publicly — conflict is handled privately in the family.
Celebrate what is good, true, beautiful, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
Privacy & Protection
Do not post sensitive family matters, locations, or personal information that could harm safety or reputation.
Always ask permission before posting photos or stories involving others.
Purpose & Stewardship
Every post should pass the test:
Does this glorify God?
Does this build up, not tear down?
Would I post this if Jesus, my parents, my spouse, and my future children were all watching?
Stokes Family Brand Guidelines
(How we represent our family name in public and online)
Identity: We are Christ-followers first, Stokes second — but both identities are inseparable in how we live and speak.
Voice: Warm, truthful, respectful, confident without arrogance.
Style: Clean, modest, natural — not flashy for the sake of attention.
Themes: Faith, family, service, heritage, beauty, nature, honest work.
Boundaries: We don’t chase trends that contradict our values. We lead with what is timeless, not what is popular.
Consistency: What we post should match who we are in person.